Empire of Death resolves everything two thirds of the way through the episode, and then you’re stuck with another third. The main threat’s gone, and you’re sitting there asking why we went through anything we went through. The more I think about it, the angrier I get, and I don’t even want to use the word angry. I’m still looking for a different one.
Back by popular demand, the Rose Tyler to my Tenth Doctor, Mrs. Know-It-All is with me for this one, and we have thoughts and feelings. I’ve seen it technically three times. Two and a half, if you count the beginning I watched before I dozed off last night, and that was exhaustion, it wasn’t the episode. When I woke up Mrs. Know-It-All wasn’t happy, and it wasn’t because I fell asleep. It was the episode. She’d had nobody to bounce off of, and she was so let down by it.
Listen, this is actually not a bad Doctor Who episode. It’s a stereotypical RTD part two. Anybody who’s familiar with Russell T Davies knows he’s got two kinds of part twos: the ones he hits out of the park and the ones that fall flat on their face. This one fell flat.
I’m not going into all the nitty-gritty of the plot. I think you’ve watched it. If you haven’t, this spoils all of it, so go watch the episode first.
A Bridge Episode Where the Payoff Should Be
This didn’t feel like part two of last week’s episode. It felt like a bridge episode, and I’m sitting here waiting for part two next week. Part two should’ve been everything part one was, and it didn’t pay off in its energy or its resolution. The resolution happened too fast, and by too fast I mean it left me asking why any of the setup was there.
I watched part one again this morning, right before I watched part two, and it was jarring how little part two felt like a piece of the main story. Yes, it’s good, it’s cool stuff. It’s also part two hand-wavy all day. How are you going to set up all that wonderful stuff, get us that excited, and then resolve it in a way that’s so simple it undermines part one?
It starts early. Everybody at UNIT turning to dust was the part of the opening I cared about. I couldn’t care less about the little orange scooter, and Mel saving the Doctor doesn’t matter to me. Kate has a wonderful moment where she stands there and shows her continued faith in the Doctor, give him hell, the birds are going to sing again one day. I thought that was a little weird considering not everything had died yet, but it’s her looking to the future and being poetic at the end. Mrs. Know-It-All thought it was sad to watch. Her other reaction was that he’s obviously going to fix it, because it happened so soon, right out of the gate. We know this isn’t going to stick. That’s how I felt too.
It’s also not the first time the Doctor has, quote unquote, lost. I feel like he lost at The End of Time, the one with the Time Lords. I feel like he lost at the end of the one with Donna, where the Daleks were going to destroy everything and remake it. The way it happens here is new, and that’s about it. It isn’t even new to us as a culture, because apparently Thanos was right, according to Sutekh. Everybody turns to dust.
Then there’s the kid at UNIT, thirteen years old, opening fire with a submachine gun from his scooter. If he can be a part of UNIT, he knows how to use a machine gun, and I allow it. First off, we’re Americans. All the in-universe reasons hold up. The audience member in me was still going, oh my. You know how many kids are running around on their scooters doing that today.
And when the Doctor’s on the back of Mel’s scooter yelling at her to go faster, and she says it’s going as fast as it can, and he shouts go faster again? This isn’t our first rodeo, sir. Sonic the thing. Somehow the sonic screwdriver makes everything go faster, happen quicker, be stronger. Boom, turbo speed, let’s go.
Fantasy Lets You Make Up the Rules, and It Showed
They played fast and loose with a lot of the rules, and that’s my real problem. I’m glad they decided to do something different. Russell said this season was going to be about magic and fantasy, and great, I’m so happy. The problem with fantasy is you get to make the rules up as you go. Doctor Who is a science fiction based thing that’s done such a wonderful job of explaining the unexplainable while being crazy, so this felt like cheating, and the cheating was obvious. They were showing their work while they were cheating. They weren’t even trying to hide it.
Take the memory TARDIS. If you’ve been following along online, there’s a series called Tales of the TARDIS, where they got the Doctors who are still with us together with some of their old companions, as if they’d found a secret little room in the TARDIS where their memories live. There was even one with Ncuti Gatwa’s Doctor and Ruby. Now you learn that it fits into the whole of this thing. I had a feeling they’d do something like it when the Doctor said last episode that the image of a TARDIS is a TARDIS. That’s very similar verbiage to the Weeping Angels, where the image of an angel is an angel. So if the time window can produce the image of a TARDIS, it could very well be a TARDIS, and I said last week that’s how they’re going to get out of this. Sure enough, he rushes down to the window room. Sorry to the agent he sends down to bunker 17, by the way. I hope we find out what bunker 17 is later, because it was just sort of thrown out there.
Then there’s the snow, since everyone’s been asking why the snow. I hit on this briefly last episode. The snow isn’t the important part. Between the Doctor’s original visit there in the TARDIS, Sutekh’s visit with the TARDIS and now the memory TARDIS, there were so many tracks left in that moment that the snow is just being pulled through by Ruby’s memory of the whole situation. It’s a moment that has holes, and she pulls it through time. I don’t think it’s anything special. If you’re not happy with that answer, I’m sorry, that’s the answer you’re getting.
And the bungee cord. Mrs. Know-It-All had to ask about it, because she felt it was ridiculous. Me too. It looked like a jump rope. He gives it some supernatural purpose as a memory cord, all held together by memories, latches it onto a godlike creature like a dog and flies him through time.
I see why they had to do it. Somebody online said, can we just talk about how awesome it is that the Doctor stuck him on a chain and flew through the vortex with him. I would, if they’d actually used a chain. Then I could say, look, he’s taking the dog for a walk. This was a bungee cord with a diecast metal hook, like you’d use to lash your luggage to the roof of your car. I guess Time Lords have bungee cords that are bigger on the inside, because the thing stretched super long. I’ll even accept that. If it wants to stretch across time, great, stretch across time. It still felt wrong, and there wasn’t even a dink on the TARDIS.
I’m trying not to be stupid critical over it. After the week we had with Star Wars and other things, I find my level of nitpick wanting to relax. But it pulled me out of what was going on, even though I didn’t really care for what was going on anyway. This is a show that’s always been built on giving you a solid foundation for what it is, and this episode didn’t feel like that.
The Greatest Monster He Ever Fought
At one point the Doctor introduces him to Ruby with the titles, because in this show they have to give titles that mean nothing. Sutekh, the death of ages, the Typhonian Beast, the greatest monster I have ever fought.
Really? You faced the Emperor of the Daleks. You faced the Cyber Leader. You faced the equivalent of Satan himself, which I know is somehow supposed to end up being this same creature. I could name half a dozen villains that are worse, the Master included. He didn’t make me believe this was the scariest thing he’s ever fought.
Up to that point I was willing to go there with them. Fine, this is the scariest thing, that’s what you’re presenting. Then the ending lets us down. I’ve got the Know-It-All pup asleep in the chair next to me, and he’s more dangerous than Sutekh ended up being.
Then we get the revelation that Sutekh’s been riding the TARDIS the whole time, ever since that episode with the Fourth Doctor. So was he on there when the Daleks destroyed it by throwing it into a fire? Did he burn? Was he there when the dimensions were being bled away and the Twelfth Doctor was shrunk and the TARDIS was this big, with a little baby Sutekh hanging on? How about The Day of the Doctor, with all thirteen TARDISes flying past each other? None of the others noticed him and gave a high five?
I’m not a hardcore it’s-canon guy. But at least try to make it make some kind of sense. Doctor Who has been ridiculous, yes. It’s always been ridiculous in how earnest it was. We had papier-mâché monsters and every actor on set took them deadly seriously. The original Cybermen literally looked like people in tinfoil suits, and they got the respect they deserved. This felt goofy for goofy’s sake, and it was hard to take seriously or earnestly.
For the record, the people online saying the original jackal mask was so much scarier need to stop. The CGI was fine. I see the money. Disney money was clearly spent well. You see sets galore. They did not skimp on any of it.
I’ll give him the telling off. The Doctor swears on the two hearts in his chest that he’ll defeat him, and all I could think was, where was that last episode, when you were Mr. Terrified in front of the old lady holding her hand out at you with the red eyes? All of a sudden, in front of the villain himself, you’re going to defeat him and turn back death. What I did like is when he suddenly stops and goes, why am I not dead? Why am I still alive? Any time the Doctor tries to math something out in his own head, I like it, because that does feel like the Doctor.
The answer is where it loses me again. They’ve expanded the lore, which Russell’s always done, and now the TARDIS perception filter extends out 66.7 meters, or 73 yards. Ruby touches the screen, it shows the guy who was the worst prime minister, and the leap we’re making is that they’re still alive because Sutekh wants to know who Ruby’s mother is, and the only way to find out is the genetic database that prime minister created. Mrs. Know-It-All didn’t remember any of it.
In comedy there’s such a thing as going way too far for the joke. This wasn’t a joke, but we went way too far to connect that dot. I already thought 73 Yards was arguably the worst episode of the season. That’s no knock on the performance, it’s the story and how it comes together. Reconnecting it this way felt awkward and wedged in. Having Mel be the link was one more thing that didn’t need to happen. Too many things kept popping up that weren’t necessary, and nothing was getting resolved.
A Doctor Who Cries About Everything
The Doctor screaming into the void of space was the correct feeling, and I don’t care anymore. We’ve seen this Doctor cry about literally everything. There’s no effect left in seeing him visibly crying. People can argue that’s because he’s rehabilitated, the healing we’ve all talked about. It still loses its effect. When David Tennant got emotional like that, it mattered. When Matt Smith got emotional like that, it mattered. Heck, when Peter Capaldi got angry, it mattered. This Doctor has cried for everything and everyone gets the one tear. If they ever bring Sliders back, he should play Crying Man.
On three watches now, I’m looking at that moment asking why I don’t care, why it isn’t affecting me the way it has in the past. It was empty. Mrs. Know-It-All cries at everything, and it was empty for her too. When he cried after Dot and Bubble, I felt that, because he knows those people are going to die. This one was lost on me.
Then the desert planet. I’ve seen people praising that scene as Russell writing good character beats. It’d be a beautiful scene if it mattered anywhere. I tried to tell Mrs. Know-It-All that it mattered because he needed the spoon, and she said, when did he need the spoon? Afterward you get the one moment where he says here’s something real to help charge it, and she said, but I didn’t know that beforehand.
She’s right. We’re very used to seeing the Doctor pull things together out loud: if I had this, if we could do this. You see it or you hear it. This went from screaming to a planet with nothing in between. She thought we might be in a memory. There was no talk of a specific metal, no talk of anything. He screams into the void, and then there’s a spoon.
You can call it a character beat, but there’s nothing there. We learn nothing about the Doctor, his empathy or what he cares about that we haven’t learned everywhere else already. I’m convinced the scene exists to give us the trauma of a baby that’s already dead and a woman who turns to dust in front of his eyes, and then to show them in an oasis at the very end, once everything’s restored. That’s a waste of a scene to me. It felt self-congratulatory, extra for the sake of being extra.
One quick line, because I think some of you are pointing at it the wrong way. Ruby looks around and asks what all the Egyptian stuff is, and he says cultural appropriation. People are calling that Doctor Who being woke again. He wasn’t talking about British people appropriating Egyptian things. He was talking about the Egyptians, who took their look from the Osirans, which is what Sutekh’s race was before he made himself a god. I’m quick to look for stuff that feels off, and I didn’t hiccup on that. Until I hear differently from Russell T Davies, that’s how I took it.
As for the ending of the main threat, he drags the dog through time, and apparently the Doctor’s now the bringer of life and death. Now everyone’s saying maybe Gallifrey came back to life when he did it. I think he was only canceling out what Sutekh had done. He was undusting.
Don’t even get me into the implications. As we learned from Endgame, when that dust hits, airplane pilots die. So what happens when everything’s reversed? Kate says later she still has the memories. They didn’t reset time, so people would’ve come back where they were, or come back dead. Mrs. Know-It-All pointed out that Endgame at least talked about the chaos and addressed it later on. I guess I can look past it. I did for Endgame.
The Mrs. Flood Thread Doesn’t Get Pulled
I’ll tell you up front, the Mrs. Flood thread does not get pulled this episode.
She’s with Cherry as everything starts turning to sand, and she’s been creepy already. Cherry asks who she is, and Mrs. Flood has a very interesting line, something like: you tiny little woman, I’m so, so sorry.
I’m still very much of the mind that Mrs. Flood’s going to turn out to be the Rani, or another Time Lady of some kind. She’s clearly someone of a higher order of magnitude. A lot of people have asked which one of the pantheon she is. I don’t think she’s anybody from the pantheon, a god the way this show labels gods, small g. For those of you who are old school Doctor Who fans, the Rani always thought humans were small. She believed in Time Lord superiority in a big bad way that the Doctor never subscribed to. Plus Russell T Davies likes his anagram names, and Rani rearranges to rain. Rain brings the flood.
When she comes back she calls him a clever boy, which hints at Clara, and in part one she’s wearing an outfit identical to Clara’s. Then at the very tag of the whole thing she’s on the roof, addressing the audience, which I’m still not sure about, making a jarring statement about the Doctor’s story having a terrible end. She’s wearing an outfit that was worn by the Rani. I want to go back and look at what else she’s worn. The vest from when we first met her looked very similar to the one Rory used to wear, so I don’t know what that is yet.
It’s a very unsatisfying ending.
Twenty Minutes With Ruby’s Mom
Then the end end. We spend 20 minutes with Ruby and her mom, and I honestly couldn’t care less, because they sold me a bag of goods that weren’t any good.
Why did the Maestro fear Ruby? The Maestro’s reaction to her is in direct conflict with where this lands. And the Doctor’s explanation is that things are important because we give them importance. What? That felt like cheap, contrived nonsense. Finding out who Ruby’s mother was could’ve been awesome, but there isn’t any importance to her. There never was.
I can’t even be mad at it as a this-season thing. It’s the same two kinds of Russell ending I started with, and this one felt like eh.
Now that I’m forced into this moment, I’m going to critique it. It’s like they say on the cooking shows: don’t put two things on the plate unless you want me to judge both. I didn’t want this button, but they gave it to me.
The Doctor trying to talk Ruby out of seeing her mother felt odd. As a writer I get the parallels. He didn’t go back for his granddaughter. Ruby’s mother had 7,000 plus days and never came back for her daughter, so Ruby should leave it alone. He’s justifying the mom’s behavior, which is just an excuse for him to justify his own.
Later he tells her maybe he will. I don’t want Susan, in any form. But they’ve invoked her and made her such a major part of this story that if they don’t follow through, I’m asking why they wasted the screen time. I know why they did it. It’s supposed to be, oh Doctor, I knew the ins and outs of the TARDIS and I found someone you cared about to set a trap. We already did that. It was the Pandorica. Stop stealing your buddy’s stories, man. It felt like weak sauce.
The reason we’re this frustrated is that the buildup was amazing. Why squander that?
If you enjoyed this ending, awesome. I’m so happy for you. I don’t enjoy every ending, and I’m not writing off the show. I love Doctor Who. It’s an institution. And Moffat’s doing the Christmas special, which I’m down for. I’m a Christmas special fan. I loved that last year they stopped being New Year specials and went back to Christmas. Last Christmas is one of my favorites that’s ever been put to screen, the Doctor and Santa Claus, every Christmas is last Christmas. Right on, man.
The Verdict
Doctor Who: Empire of Death lands at a 7 out of 10 on the Know-It-All Index.
Mrs. Know-It-All gave it a seven, and that’s fair. I was going to go slightly different, but I’m going to sit with her on a seven as well. The acting is great. I enjoyed the pacing. The money’s all on the screen.
I do find myself liking the show this season more than when I started. Mrs. Know-It-All agrees, and she missed a couple of episodes along the way. She’ll probably get yelled at for saying it, but skipping them didn’t affect whether she liked part one and part two together.
For me it’s both the same and the opposite. This season suffered from one thing: it didn’t give us enough to latch on to. Stop writing seasons that are supposed to make us feel like everyone’s bonded and has all this experience together when it didn’t feel that way.
And stop playing musical chairs with the episodes. The Devil’s Chord has a completely different vibe and energy because it came from the back end. It was originally supposed to sit right around Dot and Bubble. Rogue should’ve been earlier. Several episodes were moved around, and you can tell the difference in the energy. It threw us off as people watching. Write your episodes in a linear fashion so we at least get that.
We needed more episodes. I don’t think we’re getting them. I think eight is it.
I’m a channel that likes to talk about things I enjoy, and I hate talking about things I don’t like. But I made a commitment to you to review these, and sometimes they hit and sometimes they don’t. That’s where we are right now.
Did they do good, did they do bad, or was it lackluster for you like it was for me? If you loved it, tell me what you loved. I’m not looking for a fight, I genuinely love hearing that people loved things. The conversation lives in the comments on the video above.
