Lower Decks finally went to Deep Space Nine, and it’s a crossover episode, just not the crossover episode we’ve been waiting for. My co-host kept asking me the whole way through whether this was the one I keep talking about. It wasn’t. I loved it anyway.
It was nostalgia porn all day for me. It’s Deep Space Nine, it’s Quark’s, and they had Nana Visitor and Armin Shimerman come back as the voices of their old characters. That’s Quark, and Major Kira Nerys, who’s now Colonel Kira Nerys. It was so much fun watching these characters walk onto that station and experience that world.
The Station Is a Celebrity
In the Lower Decks universe, Deep Space Nine is this famous thing, almost like the location of a TV show. I went reaching for a Star Wars comparison, which I probably shouldn’t be doing, and my co-host got there first: it’s the big Death Star, except they’re the good guys. It’s huge and it’s expensive.
She also pointed out that it’s sitting next to a wormhole, which she thought was cool and a little stupid. Why would you park right outside a giant space hole that opens up? You should see the first episode of Deep Space Nine, when they contrive how in the world they move it. It wasn’t there originally. It was in orbit of a planet, and then they had to move it in front of the wormhole to protect it. It’s hilarious. She says she may have to watch a couple of episodes now.
I love the very beginning, too. Ransom tells them, I don’t know, just kind of fly around and act like you’re enjoying the pylons, majestically or something. Right on, man.
Mariner Goes to Girl World
Two storylines run through this one. Mariner stays on the ship with her girlfriend and gets introduced to her girlfriend’s friends. My co-host totally sees why she hated it. In her words, Mariner literally went to girl world for a second, and it was kind of terrifying.
The best way she could explain them is that they’re all Gen Z women, and they’re all at their salon. She wanted it on the record that they call it a “say-lawn,” not a salon. It’s all “oh my gosh, is this Mariner?” and they’re making candles and talking her head off, and Mariner hates every second of it.
Then there’s the game where they want her to tell her truth. She does, and it comes back as, we knew you were uptight, we were just trying to get you to loosen up a bit. Mariner goes silent. And her girlfriend doesn’t defend her. My co-host called that a little fishy, and I only realized it when she said it. She didn’t defend her at all.
The Captain Has to Be a Diplomat
Over on Deep Space Nine, a couple of things are happening at once. The Cerritos was originally supposed to meet another ship, the Vancouver, and help it get a treaty done with some folks from the other side of the wormhole. The Vancouver can’t do it, so Captain Freeman has to do it herself, and she has to be very much the diplomat she’s not used to being.
There’s a little back and forth between Shaxs and Kira, because they used to be in the resistance together. Those are really fun callbacks to the Deep Space Nine stuff.
Boimler is off at Quark’s making money at the dabo tables. Apparently he’s amazing at that game. And then you come to find out Quark stole the technology for one of his super secret franchise replicators from these aliens.
Tendi Was Raised by Pirates
Tendi and Rutherford are just trying to enjoy Deep Space Nine when they run into another Orion, and this guy is real heavy into all the piratey stuff, because Orions obviously were pirates. Tendi is super uncomfortable. If you remember last season, she clearly knows how to be a pirate. My co-host put it harder than I would: we learned her entire family, and she didn’t want to say race, all suck, because they’re all pirates.
She’s trying to get away from him, and he gets himself reassigned to their little setup. Then they get into it. My co-host didn’t remember the exact wording, but Tendi is basically telling him off. Stealing isn’t cool, stop acting like it’s cool. And he comes back with, well, someone got a little too in touch with the humans at the Academy, I’m not going to forget where I came from. What type of statement is that?
When the aliens kidnap Quark, Tendi, Rutherford and this other Orion are on their ship, and it’s about to head for the wormhole. Rutherford tells the guy he could totally be the one to pirate them and take over the ship. And the guy says, bro, I was adopted by humans in Ohio.
My co-host wants the context clear, because in a normal conversation that’s just a fake gangster. Tendi was upset. Why are you leaning so heavy into this when you’re not? And then it’s, oh, right, I was raised by pirates. So she takes over. She steals his little pocket knife, starts knocking everyone out, bam, bam, and takes the guy’s gold tooth.
I blanked on what the bad guys are called while we were recording. They’re the Karemma. They look like a bunch of Voldemorts. They’ve got no nose.
The Phaser Solves It
Whatever the kidnappers did put the power out, so Mariner and the girls are stuck in that room in the dark, and they all start having anxiety attacks. I let my co-host finish describing it, because she was enjoying it.
They’re freaking out, they’re hyperventilating, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. Mariner is trying to be nice. Her girlfriend pulls her over and asks why she’s acting like this, and Mariner says she wants to make a good impression and doesn’t want to scare them away. Her girlfriend says that’s what I like about you, you’re scary.
So Mariner tells everybody to knock it off and calm down. They don’t. She says, okay, well, I have this phaser, and she shoots them. Her reasoning is that unconscious people use less oxygen, and the oxygen is going out of the room. They also didn’t want to blow out the candles they’d just made.
My co-host said Mariner is living out her dream. Mine too.
Boimler Went to Dave and Buster’s
When I asked what stood out, my co-host went straight to Boimler. He won all that money at dabo and turned it in for a gift certificate. Basically he went to Dave and Buster’s. It upset her. She’s not a gambler, she says, but she knows that’s not how it’s done.
For me it’s the callbacks. I liked all of the Deep Space Nine callbacks, I thought it was very cool to see the old place, and I like what they did with it. I was excited.
The Verdict
Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 306, “Hear All, Trust Nothing,” is an 8.5 out of 10 on the Know-It-All Index.
That’s my number. My co-host had to think about hers. She didn’t want to give it the same rating as last time, started at a seven and a half, and then talked herself up to an eight, because the comedy held up its end. Storyline, not so much. The comedy, very much, and it kept her interested the entire time. She wants it known that she likes this show. Maybe it’s just the episodes she’s been doing with me, because last week’s was really good and she was way too tired to do it.
So that’s an eight from her and an eight and a half from me.
Let me know what you thought of the episode, whether you agree with us, and what you think of her very much unbiased and non-nostalgic take. The conversation lives in the comments on the video above.
